- Merry Christmas!
-

thestateofman
- December 27th, 2011
Other than the cough and fever that's been plaguing me for the few days past, and the big fight that we had, Christmas has been pretty great. The line dance showoff at Christmas dinner, fever+alcohol induced highness at the club, Tan Long's awkwardly awesome Christmas concert (till date, I still cannot find a secularly comfortable way to deal with such occasions), the housewarming+village gathering at my sister's, the awesomeness that is OG 8.
It might be the effects of knowing that I'd be flying for a few months, but I've been feeling more unsettled than ever. It's not a bad thing, necessarily; a feeling that I should take a step back and look at everything, reconsider, re-calibrate and see where I really want to go and what I really want to do, and disregard anything that's holding me back. It's a really unsettling feeling, and I use the word in the most literal sense - nothing uncanny, but unsettled, things are in a flux and can still change. Two weeks ago, I knew with perfect clarity where I was bound, and what I wanted to be like in five or ten year's time. I knew what my house would be like (inflation holding), I knew what my first kid's name would be, I knew who I was going to be. But stability poses a kind of secret threat and a dull aching dread that manifests itself when some other future, exciting, plausible and enticing, rears its head. Do I really want this, I asked, and now I am not so sure. I could be convinced, but at this rate I choose to be flummoxed.
reeeech